Breaking The Heart . . . . Open By Natasha J. Rosewood-winflash

If you cant be a good example, youll just have to be a horrible warning. Dont you think its easy to be.e hard-hearted and bitter? Sarah asked. My client and now friend was sitting at the opposite end of my couch, her face grimacing in pain. Her visit was supposed to be a psychic reading but it had turned into a consolation session. Not long ago, the love that she had dreamed of had finally arrived . . . and now, six weeks later, he had suddenly gone cold. Understandably, she was devastated. Oh, how I could relate. Often a lot of the pain of heartbreak is berating ourselves for being victims, suckers or losers in love and this is what Sarah was doing. But its also a chance to be grateful? I said. Grateful! Sarahs eyes opened wide as if I had told her to jump off a cliff. What the hell do you mean? Well, I hesitated glancing out of my window at the pink mass of cherry blossoms filling my front garden, for me a potential promise of spring, new life and new love. You can choose to be bitter if you want to. Or . . . Sarah tilted her head, still frowning. You can see that experiences as a blessing. Be grateful that you met someone that inspires those wonderful feelings. In the moment, it was wonderful. wasnt it Sarah barely nodded, grudgingly acquiescent. So no one can take that away from you, except you. Just because it doesnt exist now, doesnt make it wrong in the moment that it happened. Sarah had read my first book and was well acquainted with my own story of unrequited love. My incredible love for Alejandro, though brief, fed me for years. He taught me that love, real love, isnt a tit-for-tat game. I love him and he cant stop me from holding that love in my heart. Think about how many people on this earth never experience that joy. But then its always followed by pain. Sarah persisted, determined to be a victim. Im not denying that being rejected or missing someone doesnt hurt like hell, but love hurts whether youre pining for it or afraid of losing it. And pain, while it is the flipside of joy, I continued warming to the topic, is our resistance to what is taking place, or is merely how we choose to perceive the situation. Many of us are addicted to pain and we can make up a good drama. If you really love someone, Sarah, you cant help yourself. It just is, you just love them. As it says in the Book of Runes, We do not love, it is love that loves through us. We are all channels for love. How wonderful! But in order to be a channel, we have to be willing, like being a pipe for water to enter and leave us, travel through us. We have to let the wate do its thing without controlling the flow or trying to entrap it within the pipe. I knew Sarah was absorbing the information as she picked up my angel cards and started to shuffle them. Most of us in this culture do not understand this concept. Just listen to the love songs. The words are always about loss, longing, ownership, you-done-me-wrong, I-cant live-without-you messages. We feed the concept that to love we must give our hearts and our power away. Well, you can it you want to, but thats not love. Thats just giving your power away, a tit-for-tat-tactic. Sarah grunted in acknowledgement, shuffling the angel cards. What if, I started, the thought forming as the words came out of my mouth, instead of hardening our hearts and dying of arterial sclerosis, and bitter and lonely, that we were willing to embrace the pain?. We can choose how to perceive a situation, create a new context so that the out.e mutates into something higher, more noble, graceful and loving. Truth. The Universe, the world in which we live is merely a reflection of our thinking, our consciousness. Our great loves, whether they stay for ten minutes or sixty years in our lives are just feedback, showing us what we are willing and able to feel and receive . . . or not. Though each of us has a specific lesson to learn in each lifetime, to love our selves is the root of all those lessons, and our souls journeys. If you dont love yourself, you wont be able to love any else, is often trotted out as a truism. When I hear that, I want to puke and say, Dont you get it? We are much better at loving others than we are at loving ourselves. The truth is we cant acknowledge our own lovability and beauty of our own souls until we love ourselves. That is why stubbornly refusing to allow the calcification of our hearts but instead remaining soft at the center is the only way to stay alive physically and emotionally. Recently I began working with someone I recently and fell in love with them twenty minutes into our first meeting. I thought, I hoped, I imagined that the feeling was mutual, the way he reciprocated. AS time went by, I began to wonder. Our work relationship continued and despite the ups of hopefulness followed the downs of disappointments, I felt, because we were working together, I couldnt just run. I had to face it. Previously, I would have kept my feelings to myself, pretending that everything was fine when I was dying inside. Finally, I decided in order for this relationship to have a modicum of health to it, would be well-advised to let him know. So I did. Slowly, hinting at first, so as not to embarrass him or myself. He either was getting it or he was letting me know, in his own way by talking about other dates, that there was no hope for us. Thats when I had to let my hope and him go. I decided to tell him the truth, the whole truth. I wrote the e-mail in tens seconds. The words just peeled right off the top of my brain. Before I hit the send I sat there and asked myself, What is the wroth thing that could happen as a result of sending this? I would never see or her from him again. Could I take that risk? Yes. O h well that pain couldnt be any worse than the pain I was feeling right now. I hit Send. He responded immediately. He let me know, this time blatantly, that he didnt feel the same way. I was a wonderful, amazing, funny, intelligent blah,blah, blah person but he wasnt in love with me. In my defense, knew that because of a tragedy in his background, he had filled his life with the drama of superficial relationships. Even my advice to him would be, the drama would end when he was sick and tired of being sick and tired. That might be tomorrow or three lifetimes from now. Sorry, cant wait. I will love you and leave you. Just like the three of swords in the tarot, right through the heart, I had to say to myself, Oh well. Next and take my bleeding hear way to heal. This doesnt mean I have to berate myself for choosing the wrong man, or continue to wait fro him. I can still love him and be grateful for the connection that I enjoyed with him. I can also see that if I am feeling this close to this human being and he loves me back, though not in love with me, he says, then it means I am getting closer. In my Universe, it is all about me and so I can take this as a sign that I am getting closer to a deep connection with another human being. And this is a good thing. 1. Ask yourself are you addicted to pain, drama or rejection. The Universe does bring you what you want. Unless youre a masochist, avoid setting yourself up for rejection. 2. .If they dont love you back, it may have nothing to do with you. Some will love you, some wont, so what? Next. Dont take it personally. But dont take it either. 3. Save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak If after a while, like five minutes after you have fallen in love, ask the person, Are you into me, or not? If they dont want to marry you, need to rip your clothes off or otherwise make you feel cherished, and then chances are, you need to move on. 4. What you seek, is also seeking you, it says in the Book of Runes. This is a nice thought unless we settle too soon and dont hold out for the genuine article. There are many Mr. and Mrs. Right Look-a-Likes out there and we often stop the search when someone that is vaguely similar to our desired list or has a pulse appears. So what if they smoke, drink, abuse and cheat? well say. He/shes the one. 5. AS human beings, loneliness is our greatest fear. Connection to others is what we seek. So the very fact that you are able to connect with another being, and feel, pain or joy, be grateful. Its a sign that you are still alive, capable of love and kicking! 6. There are no guarantees for love. People die on us, leave us, betray us, reject us. But what is your choice. To kill off your ability to feel, to die before your time. That heart beats for a reason, the beat should always go on. 7. Unlike the message of the media, that we all have to Hollywood star look-a-likes to attract love, (just look around next time youre at the beach). It is the soul connection that we are seeking, a person that is either .plimentary or a like reflection of our authentic selves. Beauty then, (thank the Lord) is in the eye of the beholder. 8. Skiers will tell you if you never fall, then youre not skiing hard enough or taking enough risks, you are playing it safe. Its the same in love. If you never get hurt, you are closing off your heart. It may be safe but youre also dead a long time. 9. No one is going to save you. In fact, we are here on this soul journey to save ourselves. We do that by being gentle, kind and .passionate with who we are, warts and all. This is called unconditional love. Until we give it to ourselves, we are not going to be able to give or accept it from others. 10. Relationships dont always unfold like Hollywood movies. Girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, boy rejects girl, girl goes away hurt. Boy realizes what hes missing and runs after girl. If girl has any sense, she will keep running in opposite direction. But girl will go blue holding her breath waiting for boy to get it. Even if they do love you deep down, they are often thick, scared, married or men who really want to be women. 11. Being in love is not about getting love. Like attracts like or .plimentary energy. Love is about love. If you want love, you have to be it. 12. Dont make them pay. And when you do finally meet a new love in your life, make sure you are not superimposing your past hurts, rejections and fears onto your present relationship. Remember the Universe will always make you right about what you believe so if you think, for example, all men are bastards and they are out to git you then you are always going to be looking, watching and waiting for the bastard to strike. Sooner or later, you will either drive them crazy with your paranoia or you will pick something out of their behaviour that you turn into a misdemeanour or outright betrayal. The truth about love is that we are love, like the sun, shining its light on all of creation, we can also choose to be the source of love, just by holding the intention. The pain of not being loved back is one of two things. Our ego minds are telling us that we are not lovable and therefore should separate ourselves from that person Love is not a tit-for-tat dynamic, if I love you, you have to love me back or else I wont play with you anymore. Real love is a higher all-embracing vibration of energy, that just is. It cannot be turned on and off like a tap, controlled by the ego mind or used to barter. What can be controlled is our capacity to hold that love in our hearts,. There is a reason why we have valves in our hearts. We can turn them on or off emotionally to ac.modate or repel love. The pain I felt for one o fmy unrequited lreationships was actually not the pain of rejection but sadness for the other person. Maybe I was being delusional but I could feel the closenss and love we had for each other. And I could almost smell the sweat of his fear. He named lots of reasons why we couldnt get together, none of which made sense, they were just excuses for a deeper issues. But whether someone is afraid or just not into you, the result is the same. And its time to move on, with an open heart. About the Author: 相关的主题文章: